A Setback of Sorts

Hellooo Everyone,

How's the weather where you're at? Here, it snowed about 6-8 inches yesterday. For me, I'm always in awe of God's nature. But, this time of year always gets me jumping the gun a little. There'll be a streak of warm weather, melting snow, dry streets and roads, driving with my window down, then...it snows about a half a foot. It always sets me back a little because I want Spring to get here but forgetting that part of the transition from Winter to Spring is a little warmer weather and a little more snow. I'm getting better at reminding myself that when it snows like this, it doesn't stick around like it does in December & January.

So it goes with recovery and sobriety. As we start to come out of the Winter of our using days, our hearts of ice start to melt, we get anxious and hopeful (understandably). Then, more often then not, we fall back a little resulting in a relapse of some sort stemming from some sort of letdown. I always keep in mind that when I get let down about something, I need to wait it out knowing that it's only temporary. I don't give up on my recovery because that's my main priority. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous tells me so. It's like the weather. Whatever it's like outside now, I have to accept it. I can't change it. The moment I let it get to me, I'm not being in recovery, I'm not letting God do His work on His time. Things DO get better, but it's the action of turning it over that precedes it. Remember, I did things my way for a long time, and we all know how that turns out. The Spring of our lives are just around the corner but it can't skip a beat, it needs to run it's course. So I'm trying to be positive about what I have in front of me right now and that's knowing that, if I let Him, God will put more important things in front of me to take my mind off of the anxiousness of Spring. Let Go & Let God.
Until next time, God Bless.

{Note of Inspiration: God is powerful enough to bring about any change on earth.}

{For the earth will be full of the knowledge of the LORD. ~ ISAIAH 11:9}

A Little Confrontation

Hellooo Everyone,
Right off the bat, to make a long story short, my boss and I had a little heated conversation this morning. I was bitching about the night shift not doing things properly thus, we have to fix things all of the time. He kept coming up with his usual excuses and it ended with me simply walking away. A little while later, I tried to explain to him the reasons for my argument. All of which were legit. Later in the day, we sat down and discussed a solution to our dilemma.
The point I'm getting at is, I used to let people take advantage of me, let them walk all over me because of the shame and guilt I was feeling. I justified them being superior over me because of my feelings. But no more. I stood up for what I believe and know is true. I held my ground and didn't back down. Five years ago that wouldn't have happened. It shows me how much I've matured in recovery. It shows how brave and courageous I've become and how 'strong minded' I can be when it comes to standing up for the truth. I must say I'm a little proud of myself. Tomorrow night, my boss and I are going to show the night shift the proper way to do the job. Hopefully, they'll pick up on it and we'll all be on the same page.
Until next time, God Bless.

{Note of Inspiration: God will settle all accounts - have no fear.}

{For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him. ~ ISAIAH 30:18}

My Apologies

Hellooo Everyone,
Y'know, when I started doing this blog thing, my main focus was reaching out to the recovering alcoholic and addict, spiritually speaking. Well, after looking through some of my recent posts, I noticed that I was talking more about God than I was about AA (my recovery program of choice). Don't get me wrong, God is huge part of my life but AA is also. It appears that I'm not balanced lately. I apologize for that. It wasn't my intent. The people I've met in AA, especially the ones in my home group, are the most loving people (besides my family) I've ever met. They've helped me so much in my recovery so far, not because they're geniuses or anything, it's because they've been through it. Their stories are no better or worse than mine, just different situations and circumstances. That's it! We've all faced those awful feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and abandon. The best part of recovery is being with people who've experienced those same feelings (and countless others) and have found a way to turn their lives around. Remember, There is a Solution, Chapter 2 in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's my favorite chapter in the Big Book because there's so much hope described in it. The title itself makes me hopeful. Even if you've read it before, read it and read it again. It seems that everytime I do I find something I've never noticed or understood before. Progress in recovery makes me more aware, I guess. So, from now on, I'll make sure I keep things balanced on here.
Until next time, God Bless.

{Daily Passage: Grow strong from the challenges of this day.}

{But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. ~ 1 CORINTHIANS 10:13}

Do Not Fear

Hellooo Everyone,
So I went to the plasma bank, you know, to help save lives, and get paid for it. Well, when I got done, I'd thought I'd take a different way home. Well, leave it to me, I got lost, temporarily. I drove through a neighbor for a little while until I saw a highway similar to the one I was looking for. So I got on it knowing if it wasn't it, there'd be signs telling me where I was, which direction I was going, and how to get to the one I was looking for. For a little while, fear set in. It was raining/snowing and I don't like driving at night on wet roads especially when I don't know where I'm going. After about 10-15 minutes of white knuckling the steering wheel, I saw a sign that I recognized and took the next exit. I had found my way. I know this all sounds stupid, but I grew up on a farm and never really learned how to drive in the 'big city' until my first year of sobriety. Through alot of faith and patience and paying attention, (and not totally freaking out), I learned to be calm and God will show me the way. He gives me tools to handle situations that used to force me to give up right away without making an attempt. He didn't drive the car for me or turn the steering wheel but He put 'signs' up to let me know that there's always another way. To say the least, I'll be sticking to the map that I used in the first place. But I did make an attempt to try something that I wasn't accustomed to. I tried it, but it wasn't for me. It was so comforting that God was in the passenger seat though.
Until next time, God Bless

{Daily Passage: Sing a song of joy today. Fill your heart with praise!}

{My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song. ~ PSALM 28:7}

Down... For Some Reason

Hellooo Everyone,
I hope you had a great weekend. Mine was so - so. I spent time with my kids and family today, but for some reason, I wasn't all there. I had a feeling of not wanting to be there. I don't know why. Maybe because there wasn't enough time to visit with everyone although I made no attempt to do so. Maybe I'm in the middle of a pity-party. Struggling to make ends meet is taking its toll on me. So, what do I do? I feel sorry for myself, awwwww. Poor, poor Gerry. He has the love and respect of his family again, he's got a beautiful place to live, he has a job that he loves and takes pride in, he's got a nice car, and he's got friends in the program who love him. So, what the hell is it? Money. I'm so selfish about the material object of money. It happens now and again, then usually goes away. But to think that I could make things better with money is an illusion. Sure, it would help, but, I wouldn't be genuinely happy and I would keep wanting more. Just like my alcoholism and my addictive behavior. Always searching for the ultimate high. In all actuality, I've haven't been searching for the right ultimate high. God of the Most High. Focusing on my dilemma instead of giving it to Him was my main mistake. What an idiot. You'd think I've learned by now but in recovery, we're all lifetime students. We never stop learning when we ask for help. Whether it be from the Fellowship or God or both, which is a great combination in my book. Now, it's time to ask the Ultimate Teacher for the next lesson.
Until next time, God Bless.

{Daily Passage: The path to eternal life in Christ is walked by faith.}

{"The time has come," he said. "The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!" - MARK 1:15}

Friday the 13th

Hellooo Everyone,
OOH, Friday the 13th. Everyone (well, almost everyone) makes such a big deal about this day when it comes around. I was talking with one of my daughters last night and this subject came up. I told her that if you believe in the bad luck associated with Fri. the 13th, then chances are something bad will happen. Murphy's Law type of thing. You'll be so focused on trying to prevent bad stuff that you won't pay attention to the good stuff that happens. Bad stuff happens to me every day, but I don't dwell on it because the gratitude I have totally outweighs it. Some days I don't even notice that things went wrong. It's because they went wrong right at that moment and then it's over. I try to look at the big picture. All that God has blessed me with in the 3 year & 10 months I've been sober is something I can't fathom at times. I'm not saying bad things don't happen, they certainly do. It's what I learn from them is what counts. That's part of life, isn't it? That's called LEARNING, (I try to pass this on to my kids). I need to have balance in my life, taking the good with the bad. When good things happen, I don't question it because it's God's work, He's the boss. It's my job to stay positive (or try to) in order to keep balance. He has better plans than I do. So, go about your day and look for the goodness in everything.
Until next time, God Bless.

{Daily Passage: Don't be like a teeter-totter. A balanced life honors God.}

{The man who fears God will avoid all extremes. ~ ECCLESIASTES 7:18}

In Memoriam

Hellooo Everyone,
It was 28 yrs. ago today that my brother committed suicide. He was 16 and I was 11 at the time. I looked up to him. He was my best friend. He taught me how to play baseball, football, basketball and introduced me to rock 'n' roll. He also introduced me to weed. Little did I know at the time, he was doing other stuff too besides drinking and partying. He was also hurting inside. After he died I swore I wouldn't smoke weed again but partying was OK. I thought I had an obligation to carry on his memory by being the best partier and to be well known for it. Thus began my drinking career.
Anyway, every year on this day I especially remember him by listening to "Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd. It was his favorite song and mine as well. The first line is as follows: "If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?" The answer is 'of course my brother, I do and always will. I miss you and will never forget you. We'll meet again someday'. Tell your loved ones that you love them, they won't be around forever.
Until next time, God Bless.

{Daily Passage: Believe in Jesus, learn from Jesus, be humble like Jesus.}

{He humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross! ~ PHILIPPIANS 2:8}

Winding Down

Hellooo Everyone,
Winding down the weekend. I just can't seem to find ways to make Sunday nights bearable. They're a problem for me for some reason. I think it dates back to my using days when I'd stay up all weekend and didn't want it to end. I need to change up my Sunday pattern somehow. I think, not taking an afternoon nap would probably help. But it's sooo relaxing. Plus it's what us old people do. O.K., O.K., I'm not exactly old although my body tells me otherwise somedays. If anyone who reads this has suggestions, please let me know. Also, let me know how I can improve this site. I'm open for feedback. Besides, that's how we help each other, right? Honesty goes a long way. Early AA started slowly so I don't expect a lot of traffic to this site. Not right away anyway. Remember, this disease is a matter of life or death. We're in it together. We help each other, but it takes patience and faith. "Faith has to work twenty four hours a day in and through us, or we perish." - pg. 16 ~ The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Until next time, God Bless.

{Daily Passage: Rejoice in the Lord's work, for the Lord is working in you!}

{ Do everything without complaining or arguing. ~ PHILIPPIANS 2:14}

Anxious

Hellooo Everyone,
Ah yes, Saturday. The day when, (for me), is a day to get things done around the house. Well... maybe not. The last couple of days have been warming up. Spring is just around the corner. BUT, I have to remember that it's only February and that there's still alotta time for snowstorms. Every year when this happens, I think that next week the grass is gonna be green and Spring will magically appear. I get 'the itch' to get the shorts and sandals out and get a tan. Patience my boy, patience. Besides, when it warms up like this, I notice small things that are peaceful to me. Birds start to come back, the sound of trickling water from the melting snow, the squirrels and rabbits appear in my back yard. That's God's work, He's my calming agent. The great thing about the seasons changing is that they CHANGE. You don't wake up one day and it's Spring or Fall or Winter or Summer. It's the gradual transition that is fascinating. Patience. I can't hurry God's masterpiece. Remember, on His time, not mine. I just sit back and enjoy the show.
Until next time, God Bless.

{Daily Passage: As we stand up for God, He will strengthen us.}

{The Spirit came into me and raised me to my feet. ~ EZEKIEL 2:2}

An Accomplishment

Hellooo Everyone,
I'm not big into reading books. It's not that I hate it, it's just that it's hard for me to process the information while I'm reading it. I have to read it a couple of times to get it. Fried too many brain cells I guess. Well I just finished reading one. That's pretty good for me. Last summer I bought a book at a garage sale for $.50. The title caught my eye immediately. It's called "Praying God's Will for Your Life" by Stormie Omartian. What a fantastic book! It covers how to pray in every aspect of your life. There's prayers, 'tools of truth' which are scripture passages, and answers to common questions of how or when or why we need to pray. It's a phenominal read. It certainly helped me in my recovery when I started to notice that my faith and closeness to God seemed very minimal. She (Stormie) has written others books that can be seen on her website, http://www.stormieomartian.com/. I hope that you check it out because she's an awesome author. I will definitely get her other books and recommend them to anyone.
Until next time, God Bless

{Daily Passage: A new day awaits your contribution.}

{And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus. ~ COLOSSIANS 3:17}

Monday Monday

Hellooo Everyone,
Mondays usually go fast for me for some reason. Today was a little different. One of my coworkers wasn't there so I had to pick up the slack. I did my best to get things done, but to no avail. Frustration set in. I'm so thankful that God was there to help, otherwise others would have gotten the brunt of my 'discomfort'. I had to remind myself that it wasn't their fault and that I still had to treat them with kindness and love. I always have to look at things from others' point of view. I am NOT the center of the universe. It's always a good thing to remember.
Until next time, God Bless.

{Daily Passage: In all I do this day, may I treat others with love and respect.}

{Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant. ~ MATTHEW 20:26}

Super Sunday

Hellooo Everyone,
Happy Super Bowl Sunday. Sorry, I had to put that out there just because I'm a football fan. Whether you're a football fan or not, you can't help remembering the past Super Parties you went to, if any. The chips, dip, pizza, hot wings, and of course, the beer and booze (and other choice drugs). Nowadays, I think it's important to remember that it's also SUNDAY. I don't miss all the chaos, spilled food and drink, and all of the people trying to talk over one another. I like my Sundays quiet, serene, and fulfilling. For me, that's the best way to listen to God. I need to take a 'time out' once in awhile during the work week when things are hectic. That's what keeps me sane. So, the next time you're with friends and family, take 'time out' for God.
Until next time, God Bless

{Daily Passage: It's sometimes hard to hear God's voice in the clamor of the crowd.}

{Be still, and know that I am God. ~ PSALM 46:10}